Once you’ve come to terms with the infection and learned to manage both the physical and the emotional aspects, you may be thinking about getting back into a relationship, if you’re not already in one. This can be a tricky and vulnerable time, as you open your heart to another person and face the inevitable “conversation” about HSV. This is a time to be true to who you are, continue to maintain your self-esteem through personal development, and stay on track with your health and energy practices.
Remember, most people have Herpes, in the form of Cold Sores, and between 24% and 30% of adults have Genital Herpes. Although HSV-2 is thought of as the “Genital” version, in fact, Genital Herpes can be caused by either HSV-1 or HSV-2.
Recent research has shown that about half of all new Genital Herpes cases are caused by HSV-1, which is usually associated with Oral Herpes. HSV-2 can also affect the oral/facial area, although less commonly. So, since they can be caused by the same virus, the physical difference between Oral Herpes and Genital Herpes is ONLY the location. Keep this in mind when it comes time to discuss Herpes in your new relationship – most people have Herpes Simplex somewhere on their body already. There is no shame in a simple, common virus!
How do you meet someone? You can go out to public events, concerts, theatre, dances, social events, take classes, join a live or online club about one of your interests, volunteer for a local cause or charity…
A great way to get back in the swing of things is to try Online Dating.
Internet Dating has become a part of everyday life for many people – and thousands of couples have met online, fallen in love, and married. We’ll share some tips on the sites themselves, and then further along, some tips about how to have a good experience with online dating.
A Guide to Online Dating Sites
Offered here are several of the top sites for Online Dating, with a few tips on how to navigate each site. You’ll like one or two sites better than the others, based on your location, your personality, and the availability of other members in your area. SO TRY THEM ALL! And since most sites have limitations to their Free Memberships, you may want to pick one or two and sign up and pay for a few months to get the full benefits and flexibility. Just click on the links, check out the sites, pick the one(s) you like best, and have fun!
HerpeSite has joined the Affiliate Programs of some of these sites – which means that if you click through our links here and join, we receive a small spiff. (These programs help us to defray the operating costs of keeping up the Site which has been a labor of love for us all these years. For your confidentiality, the links are anonymous, and none of your personal information is shared with us.)
We’ve divided the Online Dating Sites into 3 categories:
HSV Sites, General Dating Sites, and Adult Sites.
Many people with Herpes choose to seek partners who already have the virus or already accept those with the virus. Having Herpes in common creates an initial sense of camaraderie, eliminates the possibility of rejection due to the virus, and makes the “I have something to tell you” conversation easier or unnecessary.
There are a number of sites for people with HSV. We’ve checked these out, and find them to be friendly, easy to use, and there are enough people on some of them to get some good responses to your ad. If nothing else, you can make new friends who understand your situation!
PositiveSingles.com The largest and best singles site for people with Herpes. Many people prefer to date others who either have Herpes or at least understand the situation, and PositiveSingles is a perfect option. Sign up for free to check it out. When you like it, you can sign up for a month, 3 months, or longer. (Of course, the best rates are for longer terms.) The larger metro areas have hundreds – even thousands – of members, and this site is growing by leaps and bounds because of the success its members are having and the great word of mouth about it. You can search profiles, chat, read blogs and forums. Meet people at your own pace in your area or across the world. We love PositiveSingles!
General Dating Sites
You’ll find many of the same people on several sites, so it’s best to try several to find one that matches your style, and then stick with that one.
PlentyOfFish.com. FREE! Totally 100% free. Depending on your geographic area, it can attract great people, or, not-so-great people. You can post a profile and start communicating immediately. You can also set parameters for who can contact you based on location, age range, and other factors, and you can even block specific people. Worth a try, after all, it’s FREE!!!
FriendFinder.com A very well established site for many years, FriendFinder is the pioneering personals site that revolutionized online dating, with nearly four million members from every country. FriendFinder features a friend network, blogs, chatrooms, and much more. On FriendFinder you can also join and put up a profile for free, respond to mail and send “winks” free, but to initiate contact and read the full profiles of others, you’ll need to pay to join. The FriendFinder network owns many many dating sites, for many subcategories, religions, and regions. In our experience, people who join FriendFinder seem to be more serious about meeting someone for a relationship, but depending on your area, there may be only a few people or many. Free signup on FriendFinder.
Match.com: 20% off Match.com The largest & most well-known singles dating site. You either love it, or hate it. You can join for free, but then you have to pay to get mail, read profiles, or do anything else for that matter… You basically have to “pay to play.” Our link above gets you a free trial. We know at least 10 people who met their future spouses on Match! Check it out, then decide for yourself. 20% off Match.com
AdultFriendFinder.com AKA Passion.com. This is a huge Adult site, “the Leading personals site for dating, romance, marriage, and fun,” with millions of members all over the world. It’s owned by the same company that owns FriendFinder and dozens of other dating sites. The main concept of the site is “sexy personals for passionate people” and caters to the sexual side of relationships. (This is the site that was an issue during a recent high-profile celebrity divorce case.) This site is not appropriate for the workplace, for people under 18, or for those with a sensitive nature, since people generally go there to meet others for casual sexual encounters and the photos and language can be very explicit.
That being said, we did a search in our area – and interestingly, many of the same people who are on the “regular” dating sites are also on Passion.com. So, it can be very informative as part of background checking your potential online dates to see if your “regular” site dates also have ads up just for sex! You can create a profile for free, and then do searches to find out if the people you’re meeting on the “regular” sites are also there. Why? Well, you may want to know if a potential love partner is also looking for casual encounters, and what their other profile says about what they’re looking for. Sometimes their “regular” dating profile is very different from their “adult” profile, which is why we recommend checking!
Free members can do basic searches, but cannot view full profiles or initiate contact. Ads without photos get very little response, but one needn’t put up a sexy photo or even a face photo. Although we don’t recommend it, if you decide to join and use the site to meet people, just remember to keep your standards high, be careful, be honest, weed like crazy, and play safe!!! Beware: The photos and ads can be extremely explicit, so this site is not for younger or more sensitive individuals!!!
PositiveSingles.com – the best, most trusted and largest anonymous STD dating site!
6 Tips to Make Your Online Dating Experience More Enjoyable
#1. Be sincere, and don’t take anything personally! While Online Dating has resulted in many matches that we personally know of – it has also become SO popular and mainstream that the “less serious” folks have joined en masse. People online can be rude, mean, flakey, or flat-out liars. You *will* be rejected on a daily basis for all kinds of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your worth as a person! There are plenty of players, creeps, and married people looking to cheat. But you will also meet some sincere, nice, fun people (just like YOU!). You just learn to weed out the bad ones! Be very discerning, and research any new prospects carefully before you meet. Online Dating can take nerves of steel at times – just keep at it and, again, don’t take any rejection personally!
#2. Write a good interesting profile of moderate length that describes your unique individuality in a positive way, use spell-check, and put up clear smiling photos that represent your looks as they are now. Profiles with photos get 3 to 10 times as much contact as those without.
#3. Decide what your “deal-breakers” are (age-range, location, smoking, height, kids, religion, lifestyle, etc). Reply to those people who meet your top 4 or 5 criteria – and who have written you a proper email with at least one full sentence! If you receive a “Wink” or “Interest” and they meet your preferences, Wink or Interest in return. You will soon begin to recognize a sincere, real message from someone who actually took the time to read your profile. These are the ones to respond to! Men: beware of contact from “women” in places like Ghana, Romania, etc, especially if they are in their 20s and have gorgeous pictures, or if they have NO picture and a minimal profile. These are scams to try to trick you into giving your personal information and credit card numbers. Sad but true. Just delete them and block them from further contact.
#4. Unless you are on a Herpes-specific site, you may mention your HSV status in your profile or not, as you choose. Most HerpeSite correspondents have chosen to save that information for once they get to know the other person beyond a few dates. In reality, most people you meet from Online Dating sites will not go past the first couple of dates, anyway, so generally a good time to talk about HSV is if the relationship seems to be getting more serious. Again, it’s a virus that you have, it’s not who you are. For your safety as well as your peace of mind, please get to know someone VERY well before crossing the intimacy bridge.
#5. Be Safe! Communicate with someone a bit online before giving out your personal contact information. On the other hand, don’t spend weeks and months chatting online and on the phone before meeting in person, as that can lead to a “fantasy relationship” and cloud your judgement as to the person’s true character in real life.
- Use a non-work email address.
- Don’t give out your home address or information about your place of work until after you meet someone and have a good read on their character.
- NEVER have a new online date meet you at your home or pick you up from home or work. Meet for the first time at a public place like a restaurant, bar, or coffee shop, not in a secluded area.
- Use a cell phone or a landline that is not traceable to your address. (Some women use a disposable number until they get to know someone for several dates.)
- Keep your wits about you while on the date by refraining from drinking alcohol or keeping it to a one-drink maximum, and don’t leave your drink unattended or allow your date to walk you to a dark secluded parking lot.
- The first meeting can (and many people say should) be short.
#6 Have fun, and use the first communications and dates to assess their character and compatibility. The first meeting is a way to get to know if you and the other person have “chemistry.” Are they who they say they are? Did they represent themselves accurately? What’s your read on them? Planning a short first meeting is a great way to make sure that if there’s no attraction, you can exit gracefully. Remember that most people you meet from online dating sites won’t go past the first meeting. If all goes well on the first meeting, you can arrange to meet again.
HerpeSite correspondents tell us that they also find it very useful and enlightening to Google their date’s information, including their name, handle (user name on the dating site), email address, and do a reverse look-up of their phone number.
All these caveats aside – Online Dating can be a fun adventure and a good way to at least practice your Dating skills. Bear in mind that online dating is a numbers game, so get in the game and give it time. It can take several months or more and dozens of dates to meet someone you click with enough to consider a real relationship with beyond dating. Give it time, and don’t get discouraged if you don’t meet “the One” right away. Get out there and make it fun. And, like so many others, you just might meet your soulmate!
Good luck with Internet Dating! Remember to be safe, take it slow and easy, and have FUN with it!
PositiveSingles.com – the best, most trusted and largest anonymous STD dating site!