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There's a lot more here at HerpeSite! Bookmark this page and click the topics below to continue: Questions, Comments, & Feedback contact: support (at) HerpeSite. org Over 3,000,000 Visitors since 1996! This Reference Copyright © 1996 … 2010 HerpeSite(tm) Privacy & No Spam Policy Disclaimer Copies may be made and distributed to anyone who may benefit, as long as there is no charge and the disclaimers remain intact. www. herpesite. org Originally a resource for the AOL Herpes Support Community at www.members.aol.com/herpesite/ |
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Dating with Herpes
Once you’ve come to terms with the infection and learned to manage both the physical and
the emotional aspects, you may be thinking about getting back into a relationship, if you’re
not already in one. This can be a tricky and vulnerable time, as you open your heart to another person
and face the inevitable “conversation” about HSV. This is a time to be true to who you are, continue to
maintain your self-esteem through personal development, and stay on track with your health and energy
practices.
How do you meet someone? You can go out to public events, concerts, theatre, dances, social events,
take classes, join a live or online club about one of your interests, volunteer for a local cause or charity...
A great way to get back in the swing of things is to try Online Dating. Internet Dating has become
a part of everyday life for many people - and thousands of couples have met online, fallen in love, and
married. We'll share some tips on the sites themselves, and then further along, some tips about how to
have a good experience with online dating.
A Guide to Online Dating Sites
Offered here are several of the top sites for Online Dating, with a few tips on how to navigate
each site. You'll like one or two sites better than the others, based on your location, your personality,
and the availability of other members in your area. SO TRY THEM ALL! And since most sites have
limitations to their Free Memberships, you may want to pick one or two and sign up and pay for a few
months to get the full benefits and flexibility. Just click on the links, check out the sites, pick the one(s)
you like best, and have fun!
HerpeSite has joined the Affiliate Programs of some of these sites - which means that if you click through
our links here and join, we receive a small spiff. (These programs help us to defray the operating costs
of keeping up the Site which has been a labor of love for us all these years. For your confidentiality, the
links are anonymous, and none of your personal information is shared with us.)
We've divided the Online Dating Sites into 3 categories: HSV Sites, General Dating
Sites, and Adult Sites.
Herpes-Specific Sites
Many people with Herpes choose to seek partners who already have the virus or already
accept those with the virus. Having Herpes in common creates an initial sense of
camaraderie, eliminates the possibility of rejection due to the virus, and makes the “I have
something to tell you” conversation easier or unnecessary.
There are a number of great sites for people with HSV. We’ve checked these out, and find them to be
friendly, easy to use, and there are enough people on them to get some good responses to your ad. If
nothing else, you can make new friends who understand your situation!
PositiveSingles.com The largest and best singles site for people with Herpes. Many people
prefer to date others who either have Herpes or at least understand the situation, and PositiveSingles is
a perfect option. Sign up for free to check it out. When you like it, you can sign up for a month, 3
months, or longer. (Of course, the best rates are for longer terms.) The larger metro areas have
hundreds - even thousands - of members, and this site is growing by leaps and bounds because of the
success its members are having and the great word of mouth about it. You can search profiles, chat,
read blogs and forums. Meet people at your own pace in your area or across the world. We love
PositiveSingles!
MeetPeopleWithH.com is a very active site with thousands of members. Most of their services are
free. To gain the most access and have the most flexibility of use, you can join as a paying member for a
nominal monthly charge, which also helps to support their efforts. In addition to the personals ads, they
have discussion boards, chat rooms, support areas, a newsletter, and much more. You can be as private
or as open as you like!
General Dating Sites
You'll find many of the same people on several sites, so it's best to try several to find one that
matches your style, and then stick with that one.
PlentyOfFish.com. FREE! Totally 100% free. Depending on your geographic area, it can attract great
people, or, not-so-great people. You can post a profile and start communicating immediately. You can
also set parameters for who can contact you based on location, age range, and other factors, and you
can even block specific people. Worth a try, after all, it's FREE!!!
FriendFinder.com A very well established site for many years. On FriendFinder you can also join and
put up a profile for free, respond to mail and send “winks” free, but to initiate contact and read the full
profiles of others, you’ll need to pay to join. The FriendFinder network owns many many dating sites, for
many subcategories, religions, and regions. In our experience, people who join FriendFinder seem to be
more serious about meeting someone for a relationship. See the links below for more sites.
Match.com: 5 Days Free with Match.com The largest singles dating site. You either love it, or hate it.
You can join for free, but then you have to pay to get mail, read profiles, or do anything else for that
matter... You basically have to "pay to play." Our link above gets you a free five day trial. Check it out,
then decide for yourself.
Adult-Oriented Sites
AdultFriendFinder.com AKA Passion.com. This is a huge Adult site, “the Leading personals
site for dating, romance, marriage, and fun,” with millions of members all over the world. It’s owned
by the same company that owns FriendFinder and dozens of other dating sites. The main concept of the
site is “sexy personals for passionate people” and caters to the sexual side of relationships. (This is the
site that was an issue during a recent high-profile celebrity divorce case.) This site is not appropriate for
the workplace, for people under 18, or for those with a sensitive nature, since people generally go there
to meet others for casual sexual encounters and the photos and language can be very explicit.
That being said, we did a search in our area - and interestingly, many of the same people who
are on the “regular” dating sites are also on Passion.com. So, it can be very informative as
part of background checking your potential online dates to see if your “regular" site dates also
have ads up just for sex! You can create a profile for free, and then do searches to find out if the
people you're meeting on the "regular" sites are also there. Why? Well, you may want to know if a
potential love partner is also looking for casual encounters, and what their other profile says about what
they're looking for. Sometimes their "regular" dating profile is very different from their "adult" profile,
which is why we recommend checking!
Free members can do basic searches, but cannot view full profiles or initiate contact. Ads without photos
get very little response, but one needn’t put up a sexy photo or even a face photo. The site also has
chatrooms, discussion boards, and an internal IM system. You can pretty much find anything you want
on this site… and if you decide to join and use the site to meet people, just remember to keep your
standards high, be careful, be honest, weed like crazy, and play safe!!! Beware: The photos and ads
can be extremely explicit, so this site is not for younger or more sensitive individuals!!!
Tips to Make Your Online Dating Experience More Enjoyable
#1. Be sincere, and don’t take anything personally! While Online Dating has resulted in many
matches that we personally know of - it has also become SO popular and mainstream that the "less
serious" folks have joined en masse. People online can be rude, mean, flakey, or flat-out liars. You *will*
be rejected on a daily basis for all kinds of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your worth
as a person! There are plenty of players, creeps, and married people looking to cheat. But you will also
meet some sincere, nice, fun people (just like YOU!). You just learn to weed out the bad ones! Be very
discerning, and research any new prospects carefully before you meet. Online Dating can take
nerves of steel at times - just keep at it and, again, don’t take any rejection personally!
#2. Write a good interesting profile of moderate length that describes your unique individuality in a
positive way, use spell-check, and put up clear smiling photos that represent your looks as they are now.
Profiles with photos get 3 to 10 times as much contact as those without.
#3. Decide what your “deal-breakers” are (age-range, location, smoking, height, kids, religion,
lifestyle, etc). Reply to those people who meet your top 4 or 5 criteria - and who have written you a
proper email with at least one full sentence! If you receive a "Wink" or "Interest" and they meet your
preferences, Wink or Interest in return. You will soon begin to recognize a sincere, real message from
someone who actually took the time to read your profile. These are the ones to respond to! Men: beware
of contact from "women" in places like Ghana, Romania, etc, especially if they are in their 20s and have
gorgeous pictures, or if they have NO picture and a minimal profile. These are scams to try to trick you
into giving your personal information and credit card numbers. Sad but true. Just delete them and block
them from further contact.
#4. Unless you are on a Herpes-specific site, you may mention your HSV status in your profile
or not, as you choose. Most HerpeSite correspondents have chosen to save that information for once
they get to know the other person beyond a few dates. In reality, most people you meet from Online
Dating sites will not go past the first couple of dates, anyway, so generally a good time to talk about HSV
is if the relationship seems to be getting more serious. Again, it's a virus that you have, it's not who you
are. For your safety as well as your peace of mind, please get to know someone VERY well before
crossing the intimacy bridge.
#5. Be Safe! Communicate with someone a bit online before giving out your personal contact
information. On the other hand, don't spend weeks and months chatting online and on the phone
before meeting in person, as that can lead to a "fantasy relationship" and cloud your judgement as to the
person's true character in real life. Use a non-work email address. Don't give out your home address
or information about your place of work until after you meet someone and have a good read on their
character. NEVER have a new online date meet you at your home or pick you up from home or
work. Use a cell phone or a landline that is not traceable to your address. (You can get a non-
traceable phone number from Google Grand Central: www.grandcentral.com) Meet for the first time
at a public place like a restaurant, bar, or coffee shop, not in a secluded area. Keep your wits about
you while on the date by refraining from drinking alcohol or keeping it to a one-drink maximum, and don't
leave your drink unattended or allow your date to walk you to a dark secluded parking lot. The first
meeting can (and many people say should) be short.
The first meeting is a way to get to know if you and the other person have "chemistry." Are
they who they say they are? Did they represent themselves accurately? What's your read on them?
Planning a short first meeting is a great way to make sure that if there's no attraction, you can exit
gracefully. Remember that most people you meet from online dating sites won't go past the first
meeting. If all goes well on the first meeting, you can arrange to meet again. HerpeSite correspondents
tell us that they also find it very useful and enlightening to Google their date's information, including their
name, handle (user name on the dating site), email address, and do a reverse look-up of their phone
number.
All these caveats aside - Online Dating can be a fun adventure and a good way to at least
practice your Dating skills. Bear in mind that online dating is a numbers game, so get in the
game and give it time. It can take several months or more and dozens of dates to meet
someone you click with enough to consider a real relationship with beyond dating. Give it
time, and don't get discouraged if you don't meet "the One" right away. Get out there and
make it fun. And, like so many others, you just might meet your soulmate!
Good luck with Internet Dating! Remember to be safe, take it slow and
easy, and have FUN with it!
Once you’ve come to terms with the infection and learned to manage both the physical and
the emotional aspects, you may be thinking about getting back into a relationship, if you’re
not already in one. This can be a tricky and vulnerable time, as you open your heart to another person
and face the inevitable “conversation” about HSV. This is a time to be true to who you are, continue to
maintain your self-esteem through personal development, and stay on track with your health and energy
practices.
How do you meet someone? You can go out to public events, concerts, theatre, dances, social events,
take classes, join a live or online club about one of your interests, volunteer for a local cause or charity...
A great way to get back in the swing of things is to try Online Dating. Internet Dating has become
a part of everyday life for many people - and thousands of couples have met online, fallen in love, and
married. We'll share some tips on the sites themselves, and then further along, some tips about how to
have a good experience with online dating.
A Guide to Online Dating Sites
Offered here are several of the top sites for Online Dating, with a few tips on how to navigate
each site. You'll like one or two sites better than the others, based on your location, your personality,
and the availability of other members in your area. SO TRY THEM ALL! And since most sites have
limitations to their Free Memberships, you may want to pick one or two and sign up and pay for a few
months to get the full benefits and flexibility. Just click on the links, check out the sites, pick the one(s)
you like best, and have fun!
HerpeSite has joined the Affiliate Programs of some of these sites - which means that if you click through
our links here and join, we receive a small spiff. (These programs help us to defray the operating costs
of keeping up the Site which has been a labor of love for us all these years. For your confidentiality, the
links are anonymous, and none of your personal information is shared with us.)
We've divided the Online Dating Sites into 3 categories: HSV Sites, General Dating
Sites, and Adult Sites.
Herpes-Specific Sites
Many people with Herpes choose to seek partners who already have the virus or already
accept those with the virus. Having Herpes in common creates an initial sense of
camaraderie, eliminates the possibility of rejection due to the virus, and makes the “I have
something to tell you” conversation easier or unnecessary.
There are a number of great sites for people with HSV. We’ve checked these out, and find them to be
friendly, easy to use, and there are enough people on them to get some good responses to your ad. If
nothing else, you can make new friends who understand your situation!
PositiveSingles.com The largest and best singles site for people with Herpes. Many people
prefer to date others who either have Herpes or at least understand the situation, and PositiveSingles is
a perfect option. Sign up for free to check it out. When you like it, you can sign up for a month, 3
months, or longer. (Of course, the best rates are for longer terms.) The larger metro areas have
hundreds - even thousands - of members, and this site is growing by leaps and bounds because of the
success its members are having and the great word of mouth about it. You can search profiles, chat,
read blogs and forums. Meet people at your own pace in your area or across the world. We love
PositiveSingles!
MeetPeopleWithH.com is a very active site with thousands of members. Most of their services are
free. To gain the most access and have the most flexibility of use, you can join as a paying member for a
nominal monthly charge, which also helps to support their efforts. In addition to the personals ads, they
have discussion boards, chat rooms, support areas, a newsletter, and much more. You can be as private
or as open as you like!
General Dating Sites
You'll find many of the same people on several sites, so it's best to try several to find one that
matches your style, and then stick with that one.
PlentyOfFish.com. FREE! Totally 100% free. Depending on your geographic area, it can attract great
people, or, not-so-great people. You can post a profile and start communicating immediately. You can
also set parameters for who can contact you based on location, age range, and other factors, and you
can even block specific people. Worth a try, after all, it's FREE!!!
FriendFinder.com A very well established site for many years. On FriendFinder you can also join and
put up a profile for free, respond to mail and send “winks” free, but to initiate contact and read the full
profiles of others, you’ll need to pay to join. The FriendFinder network owns many many dating sites, for
many subcategories, religions, and regions. In our experience, people who join FriendFinder seem to be
more serious about meeting someone for a relationship. See the links below for more sites.
Match.com: 5 Days Free with Match.com The largest singles dating site. You either love it, or hate it.
You can join for free, but then you have to pay to get mail, read profiles, or do anything else for that
matter... You basically have to "pay to play." Our link above gets you a free five day trial. Check it out,
then decide for yourself.
Adult-Oriented Sites
AdultFriendFinder.com AKA Passion.com. This is a huge Adult site, “the Leading personals
site for dating, romance, marriage, and fun,” with millions of members all over the world. It’s owned
by the same company that owns FriendFinder and dozens of other dating sites. The main concept of the
site is “sexy personals for passionate people” and caters to the sexual side of relationships. (This is the
site that was an issue during a recent high-profile celebrity divorce case.) This site is not appropriate for
the workplace, for people under 18, or for those with a sensitive nature, since people generally go there
to meet others for casual sexual encounters and the photos and language can be very explicit.
That being said, we did a search in our area - and interestingly, many of the same people who
are on the “regular” dating sites are also on Passion.com. So, it can be very informative as
part of background checking your potential online dates to see if your “regular" site dates also
have ads up just for sex! You can create a profile for free, and then do searches to find out if the
people you're meeting on the "regular" sites are also there. Why? Well, you may want to know if a
potential love partner is also looking for casual encounters, and what their other profile says about what
they're looking for. Sometimes their "regular" dating profile is very different from their "adult" profile,
which is why we recommend checking!
Free members can do basic searches, but cannot view full profiles or initiate contact. Ads without photos
get very little response, but one needn’t put up a sexy photo or even a face photo. The site also has
chatrooms, discussion boards, and an internal IM system. You can pretty much find anything you want
on this site… and if you decide to join and use the site to meet people, just remember to keep your
standards high, be careful, be honest, weed like crazy, and play safe!!! Beware: The photos and ads
can be extremely explicit, so this site is not for younger or more sensitive individuals!!!
Tips to Make Your Online Dating Experience More Enjoyable
#1. Be sincere, and don’t take anything personally! While Online Dating has resulted in many
matches that we personally know of - it has also become SO popular and mainstream that the "less
serious" folks have joined en masse. People online can be rude, mean, flakey, or flat-out liars. You *will*
be rejected on a daily basis for all kinds of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your worth
as a person! There are plenty of players, creeps, and married people looking to cheat. But you will also
meet some sincere, nice, fun people (just like YOU!). You just learn to weed out the bad ones! Be very
discerning, and research any new prospects carefully before you meet. Online Dating can take
nerves of steel at times - just keep at it and, again, don’t take any rejection personally!
#2. Write a good interesting profile of moderate length that describes your unique individuality in a
positive way, use spell-check, and put up clear smiling photos that represent your looks as they are now.
Profiles with photos get 3 to 10 times as much contact as those without.
#3. Decide what your “deal-breakers” are (age-range, location, smoking, height, kids, religion,
lifestyle, etc). Reply to those people who meet your top 4 or 5 criteria - and who have written you a
proper email with at least one full sentence! If you receive a "Wink" or "Interest" and they meet your
preferences, Wink or Interest in return. You will soon begin to recognize a sincere, real message from
someone who actually took the time to read your profile. These are the ones to respond to! Men: beware
of contact from "women" in places like Ghana, Romania, etc, especially if they are in their 20s and have
gorgeous pictures, or if they have NO picture and a minimal profile. These are scams to try to trick you
into giving your personal information and credit card numbers. Sad but true. Just delete them and block
them from further contact.
#4. Unless you are on a Herpes-specific site, you may mention your HSV status in your profile
or not, as you choose. Most HerpeSite correspondents have chosen to save that information for once
they get to know the other person beyond a few dates. In reality, most people you meet from Online
Dating sites will not go past the first couple of dates, anyway, so generally a good time to talk about HSV
is if the relationship seems to be getting more serious. Again, it's a virus that you have, it's not who you
are. For your safety as well as your peace of mind, please get to know someone VERY well before
crossing the intimacy bridge.
#5. Be Safe! Communicate with someone a bit online before giving out your personal contact
information. On the other hand, don't spend weeks and months chatting online and on the phone
before meeting in person, as that can lead to a "fantasy relationship" and cloud your judgement as to the
person's true character in real life. Use a non-work email address. Don't give out your home address
or information about your place of work until after you meet someone and have a good read on their
character. NEVER have a new online date meet you at your home or pick you up from home or
work. Use a cell phone or a landline that is not traceable to your address. (You can get a non-
traceable phone number from Google Grand Central: www.grandcentral.com) Meet for the first time
at a public place like a restaurant, bar, or coffee shop, not in a secluded area. Keep your wits about
you while on the date by refraining from drinking alcohol or keeping it to a one-drink maximum, and don't
leave your drink unattended or allow your date to walk you to a dark secluded parking lot. The first
meeting can (and many people say should) be short.
The first meeting is a way to get to know if you and the other person have "chemistry." Are
they who they say they are? Did they represent themselves accurately? What's your read on them?
Planning a short first meeting is a great way to make sure that if there's no attraction, you can exit
gracefully. Remember that most people you meet from online dating sites won't go past the first
meeting. If all goes well on the first meeting, you can arrange to meet again. HerpeSite correspondents
tell us that they also find it very useful and enlightening to Google their date's information, including their
name, handle (user name on the dating site), email address, and do a reverse look-up of their phone
number.
All these caveats aside - Online Dating can be a fun adventure and a good way to at least
practice your Dating skills. Bear in mind that online dating is a numbers game, so get in the
game and give it time. It can take several months or more and dozens of dates to meet
someone you click with enough to consider a real relationship with beyond dating. Give it
time, and don't get discouraged if you don't meet "the One" right away. Get out there and
make it fun. And, like so many others, you just might meet your soulmate!
Good luck with Internet Dating! Remember to be safe, take it slow and
easy, and have FUN with it!
Herpesite recommends PositiveSingles! Click here to start: |
| When it's time to consider dating, Herpesite recommends PositiveSingles! |
In the words of Bobby McFerrin: Don't Worry, Be Happy May you find the Love you desire and deserve! |
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