Relationships and Getting Back to Dating Again
Many people who discover they have genital herpes feel as if their love lives are over - and this is just
not so! Herpes is just something people *have* - it’s not who they *are* as people. As we’ve mentioned
elsewhere, the stigma associated with Oral Herpes is nowhere near that of Genital Herpes, and yet the
symptoms are the same - it’s basically a difference in location only! Herpes is not the end of love, sex, or
the world!
Relationships are essential to people - we all enjoy the connection we feel with others, especially a romantic
partner. It’s a need we all have. Relationships can bring us our greatest joys in life. And having a virus
does not eliminate this need, nor should it eliminate this important element from our lives.
Once you’ve come to terms with the infection and learned to manage both the physical and the emotional
aspects, you may be thinking about getting back into a relationship, if you’re not already in one. This can
be a tricky and vulnerable time, as you open your heart to another person and face the inevitable
“conversation” about HSV. This is a time to be true to who you are, continue to maintain your self-esteem
through personal development, and stay on track with your health and energy practices. Please read some
of the HFiles Success stories to see how others have tackled this situation.
Getting Back to Dating: Online Dating
A great way to get back in the swing of things is to try Online Dating. Internet Dating has become a
part of everyday life for many people - and thousands of couples have met and married online.
You'll like one or two sites better than the others, based on your location, your personality, and the
availability of other members in your area. SO TRY THEM ALL! And since most sites have limitations to
their Free Memberships, you may want to pick one or two and sign up and pay for a few months to get
the full benefits and flexibility. Just click on the links, check out the sites, pick the one(s) you like best, and
have fun!
Tips to Make Your Online Dating Experience More Enjoyable
#1. Be sincere, and don’t take anything personally! While Online Dating has resulted in many matches
that we personally know of - it has also become SO popular and mainstream that the "less serious" folks
have joined en masse. People online can be rude, mean, flakey, or flat-out liars. You *will* be rejected on a
daily basis for all kinds of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your worth as a person!
There are plenty of players, creeps, and married people looking to cheat. But you will also meet some
sincere, nice, fun people (just like YOU!). You just learn to weed out the bad ones! Be very discerning, and
research any new prospects carefully before you meet. Online Dating can take nerves of steel at times -
just keep at it and, again, don’t take any rejection personally!
#2. Write a good interesting profile of moderate length that describes your unique individuality in a
positive way, use spell-check, and put up clear smiling photos that represent your looks as they are now.
Profiles with photos get 3 to 10 times as much contact as those without.
#3. Decide what your “deal-breakers” are (age-range, location, smoking, height, kids, religion, lifestyle,
etc). Reply to those people who meet your top 4 or 5 criteria - and who have written you a proper email
with at least one full sentence! If you receive a "Wink" or "Interest" and they meet your preferences, Wink
or Interest in return. You will soon begin to recognize a sincere, real message from someone who actually
took the time to read your profile. These are the ones to respond to! Men: beware of contact from "women"
in places like Ghana, Romania, etc, especially if they are in their 20s and have gorgeous pictures, or if they
have NO picture and a minimal profile. These are scams to try to trick you into giving your personal
information and credit card numbers. Sad but true. Just delete them and block them from further contact.
#4. Unless you are on a Herpes-specific site, you may mention your HSV status in your profile or not,
as you choose. Most Herpesite correspondents have chosen to save that information for once they get to
know the other person beyond a few dates. In reality, most people you meet from Online Dating sites will
not go past the first couple of dates, so generally a good time to talk about HSV is if the relationship seems
to be getting more serious.
All these caveats aside - Online Dating can be a fun adventure and a good way to at least practice your
Dating skills. Get out there and make it fun. And, like so many others, you just might meet your
soulmate!
We have divided the Online Dating Sites into 3 categories: General Dating
Sites, Adult Sites, and HSV Sites.
Offered here are several of the top sites for Online Dating, with a few tips on how to navigate each
site. HerpeSite has joined the Affiliate Programs of these sites - which means that if you click through
our links here and join, we receive a small spiff. (These programs help us to defray the operating costs
of keeping up the Site which has been a labor of love for us all these years. For your confidentiality,
the links are anonymous, and are not reported to us other than by numbers.)
General Sites:
You'll find many of the same people on several sites, so it's best to try several to find one
that matches your style, and then stick with that one.
Match.com. The largest dating site. You either love it, or hate it. You basically have to "pay to play."
PlentyofFish.com. FREE! Totally 100% free. Depending on your geographic area, it can attract great
people, or, not-so-great people. Worth a try... it's FREE!!!
FriendFinder.com A very well established site for many years. On FriendFinder you can also join and put
up a profile for free, respond to mail and send “winks” free, but to initiate contact and read the full profiles
of others, you’ll need to pay to join. The FriendFinder network owns many many dating sites, for many
subcategories, religions, and regions. See the links below for more sites.
Herpes-Specific Sites
Many people with Herpes choose to seek partners who already have the virus or already accept those with
the virus - to avoid the possibility of rejection and to make the “I have something to tell you”
conversation easier.
There are a number of great sites for people with HSV. We’ve checked these out, and find them to be
friendly, easy to use, and there are enough people on them to get some good responses to your ad. If
nothing else, you can make new friends who understand your situation!
MeetPeopleWithH is a very active site with thousands of members. Most of their services are free. To gain
the most access and have the most flexibility of use, you can join as a paying member for a nominal
monthly charge, which also helps to support their efforts. In addition to the personals ads, they have
discussion boards, chat rooms, support areas, a newsletter, and much more. You can be as private or as
open as you like!
Adult Sites:
AdultFriendFinder.com AKA Passion.com. This is a huge Adult site, “the Leading personals site
for dating, romance, marriage, and fun.” With millions of members all over the world, it’s owned by the
same company that owns FriendFinder. The main concept of the site is “sexy personals for passionate
people” and caters to the sexual side of relationships. This site is rather explicit, since people basically go
there to meet others for sexual encounters.
We did a search in our area - and interestingly, many of the same people who are on the “regular” dating
sites are also on Passion.com. So, it can be very informative as part of background checking your
potential online dates to see if your “regular" site friends also have ads up just for sex! You can create a
profile for free, and then do searches to find out if the people you're meeting on the "regular" sites are also
there. Why? Well, it can be very useful to know if a potential love partner is also looking for casual
encounters, and what their other profile says about what they're looking for. Sometimes their "regular"
profile is vastly different than their "adult" profile!
Free members can do basic searches, but cannot view full profiles or initiate contact. Ads without photos
get very little response, but one needn’t put up a sexy photo or even a face photo. The site also has
chatrooms, discussion boards, and an internal IM system. You can pretty much find anything you want
on this site… just remember to keep your standards high, be careful, be honest, weed like crazy, and play
safe!!! Beware: The photos and ads can be extremely explicit, so this site is not for younger or more
sensitive individuals!!!
Good luck! Remember to be safe, take it slow and easy, and have FUN with it!
Many people who discover they have genital herpes feel as if their love lives are over - and this is just
not so! Herpes is just something people *have* - it’s not who they *are* as people. As we’ve mentioned
elsewhere, the stigma associated with Oral Herpes is nowhere near that of Genital Herpes, and yet the
symptoms are the same - it’s basically a difference in location only! Herpes is not the end of love, sex, or
the world!
Relationships are essential to people - we all enjoy the connection we feel with others, especially a romantic
partner. It’s a need we all have. Relationships can bring us our greatest joys in life. And having a virus
does not eliminate this need, nor should it eliminate this important element from our lives.
Once you’ve come to terms with the infection and learned to manage both the physical and the emotional
aspects, you may be thinking about getting back into a relationship, if you’re not already in one. This can
be a tricky and vulnerable time, as you open your heart to another person and face the inevitable
“conversation” about HSV. This is a time to be true to who you are, continue to maintain your self-esteem
through personal development, and stay on track with your health and energy practices. Please read some
of the HFiles Success stories to see how others have tackled this situation.
Getting Back to Dating: Online Dating
A great way to get back in the swing of things is to try Online Dating. Internet Dating has become a
part of everyday life for many people - and thousands of couples have met and married online.
You'll like one or two sites better than the others, based on your location, your personality, and the
availability of other members in your area. SO TRY THEM ALL! And since most sites have limitations to
their Free Memberships, you may want to pick one or two and sign up and pay for a few months to get
the full benefits and flexibility. Just click on the links, check out the sites, pick the one(s) you like best, and
have fun!
Tips to Make Your Online Dating Experience More Enjoyable
#1. Be sincere, and don’t take anything personally! While Online Dating has resulted in many matches
that we personally know of - it has also become SO popular and mainstream that the "less serious" folks
have joined en masse. People online can be rude, mean, flakey, or flat-out liars. You *will* be rejected on a
daily basis for all kinds of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your worth as a person!
There are plenty of players, creeps, and married people looking to cheat. But you will also meet some
sincere, nice, fun people (just like YOU!). You just learn to weed out the bad ones! Be very discerning, and
research any new prospects carefully before you meet. Online Dating can take nerves of steel at times -
just keep at it and, again, don’t take any rejection personally!
#2. Write a good interesting profile of moderate length that describes your unique individuality in a
positive way, use spell-check, and put up clear smiling photos that represent your looks as they are now.
Profiles with photos get 3 to 10 times as much contact as those without.
#3. Decide what your “deal-breakers” are (age-range, location, smoking, height, kids, religion, lifestyle,
etc). Reply to those people who meet your top 4 or 5 criteria - and who have written you a proper email
with at least one full sentence! If you receive a "Wink" or "Interest" and they meet your preferences, Wink
or Interest in return. You will soon begin to recognize a sincere, real message from someone who actually
took the time to read your profile. These are the ones to respond to! Men: beware of contact from "women"
in places like Ghana, Romania, etc, especially if they are in their 20s and have gorgeous pictures, or if they
have NO picture and a minimal profile. These are scams to try to trick you into giving your personal
information and credit card numbers. Sad but true. Just delete them and block them from further contact.
#4. Unless you are on a Herpes-specific site, you may mention your HSV status in your profile or not,
as you choose. Most Herpesite correspondents have chosen to save that information for once they get to
know the other person beyond a few dates. In reality, most people you meet from Online Dating sites will
not go past the first couple of dates, so generally a good time to talk about HSV is if the relationship seems
to be getting more serious.
All these caveats aside - Online Dating can be a fun adventure and a good way to at least practice your
Dating skills. Get out there and make it fun. And, like so many others, you just might meet your
soulmate!
We have divided the Online Dating Sites into 3 categories: General Dating
Sites, Adult Sites, and HSV Sites.
Offered here are several of the top sites for Online Dating, with a few tips on how to navigate each
site. HerpeSite has joined the Affiliate Programs of these sites - which means that if you click through
our links here and join, we receive a small spiff. (These programs help us to defray the operating costs
of keeping up the Site which has been a labor of love for us all these years. For your confidentiality,
the links are anonymous, and are not reported to us other than by numbers.)
General Sites:
You'll find many of the same people on several sites, so it's best to try several to find one
that matches your style, and then stick with that one.
Match.com. The largest dating site. You either love it, or hate it. You basically have to "pay to play."
PlentyofFish.com. FREE! Totally 100% free. Depending on your geographic area, it can attract great
people, or, not-so-great people. Worth a try... it's FREE!!!
FriendFinder.com A very well established site for many years. On FriendFinder you can also join and put
up a profile for free, respond to mail and send “winks” free, but to initiate contact and read the full profiles
of others, you’ll need to pay to join. The FriendFinder network owns many many dating sites, for many
subcategories, religions, and regions. See the links below for more sites.
Herpes-Specific Sites
Many people with Herpes choose to seek partners who already have the virus or already accept those with
the virus - to avoid the possibility of rejection and to make the “I have something to tell you”
conversation easier.
There are a number of great sites for people with HSV. We’ve checked these out, and find them to be
friendly, easy to use, and there are enough people on them to get some good responses to your ad. If
nothing else, you can make new friends who understand your situation!
MeetPeopleWithH is a very active site with thousands of members. Most of their services are free. To gain
the most access and have the most flexibility of use, you can join as a paying member for a nominal
monthly charge, which also helps to support their efforts. In addition to the personals ads, they have
discussion boards, chat rooms, support areas, a newsletter, and much more. You can be as private or as
open as you like!
Adult Sites:
AdultFriendFinder.com AKA Passion.com. This is a huge Adult site, “the Leading personals site
for dating, romance, marriage, and fun.” With millions of members all over the world, it’s owned by the
same company that owns FriendFinder. The main concept of the site is “sexy personals for passionate
people” and caters to the sexual side of relationships. This site is rather explicit, since people basically go
there to meet others for sexual encounters.
We did a search in our area - and interestingly, many of the same people who are on the “regular” dating
sites are also on Passion.com. So, it can be very informative as part of background checking your
potential online dates to see if your “regular" site friends also have ads up just for sex! You can create a
profile for free, and then do searches to find out if the people you're meeting on the "regular" sites are also
there. Why? Well, it can be very useful to know if a potential love partner is also looking for casual
encounters, and what their other profile says about what they're looking for. Sometimes their "regular"
profile is vastly different than their "adult" profile!
Free members can do basic searches, but cannot view full profiles or initiate contact. Ads without photos
get very little response, but one needn’t put up a sexy photo or even a face photo. The site also has
chatrooms, discussion boards, and an internal IM system. You can pretty much find anything you want
on this site… just remember to keep your standards high, be careful, be honest, weed like crazy, and play
safe!!! Beware: The photos and ads can be extremely explicit, so this site is not for younger or more
sensitive individuals!!!
Good luck! Remember to be safe, take it slow and easy, and have FUN with it!
HerpeSite ~ Herpes Online Personal Empowerment & Support
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